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Made for Relationship

Wednesday, July 26

Made For Relationship
By: Shane Beauvais


This morning, while listening to another cherished devotional, I was encouraged to hear one of my military family life programs mentioned. As an Army Chaplain, one of my key areas of responsibility is facilitating biblical curriculums to teach, encourage, and support methods that develop and improve relationships. 

Relationships are a significant part of our life no matter where we go! Our communication skills within a relationship can build up or tear down. It takes effort and practicing good communication that leads to better relationships begins with us! 

The Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse (Revelation 6:1–8) are referenced in this particular offering. This Scripture depicts a symbolic personification of Death, Famine, War, and Conquest. Relationally, the Scripture is used in the curriculum metaphorically to illustrate communication patterns in relationships indicating the relationships are troubled and more than likely will not last if not addressed. In this case, the Four Horseman of deconstructing relationships is Criticism, Contempt, Defensiveness, and Stonewalling. 

The victim of criticism feels attacked, despised, and worthless. Contempt establishes a position of moral superiority through scorn, ridicule, and sarcastic remarks, including body language like eye-rolling. Defensiveness looks for justifications and often plays the innocent victim to get the other person in the relationship to back off. Stonewalling evades the conversation by looking away, pretending to be busy, or indulging in compulsive or diverting habits rather than dealing with the problems head-on.

I love that there have been significant breakthroughs and research on relationship communication skills. I love that the models I teach are created with a biblical approach! However, one area of communication that is not listed but is the priority for how we communicate relationally begins with how we communicate relationally with our heavenly Father. “But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well (Matt 6:33 NIV). 

When we commune relationally with the One who matters the most, the “things that are given to us when we seek his kingdom first” deconstruct the negative “Four Horseman” communication attributes of criticism, contempt, defensiveness, and stonewalling. Our time spent with him will shape us, improving how we communicate with those around us daily. How do you communicate relationally? Are you building up or tearing down? 


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